The Crow King's Wife Page 11
“How?” Madren choked and stared at Neph as if he had gone mad.
Neph was silent for a long moment as he contemplated what he was about to suggest. He was already in trouble for his actions in Arovan, and he could no longer claim shelter beneath Jala’s banner. If he followed through with the shell of a plan he was now considering he would have hell to pay from every other High Lord as well as the current Empress. “The Forbidden magic is the only way I see to end this in our favor. Given enough time I could unleash something on them that makes what happened to Veir seem pleasant.” He said finally in a low voice that wouldn’t carry beyond the room.
“And suffer twenty levels of hell and likely be executed by our fellow High lords for it.” Madren argued.
“So I name an heir, send you home, and end the threat from Rivasa. If I am the only one that can be found guilty, I am the only one they can punish.” Neph said with a heavy sigh and looked up from the map to lock eyes with Madren. “If I take this measure it falls on your shoulders to awaken the heroes in the crypt below. I haven’t decided if this is the path I will follow, but for now it’s the only one I see available.”
“Even if you end the Rivasan threat we still have the dragons to worry about.” Madren pressed.
“Do you think Lady Willameir will truly move after she witnesses a nation as powerful as Rivasa fall?” Neph asked dryly.
“Merro likely thought the same thing when they sent the plague to Veir. They ended up dying from their actions, don’t let history repeat itself Neph. The forbidden magic may look like the easiest and best option here, but that kind of magic comes with a very high price.” Madren cautioned.
“I consider myself priceless, and if I follow this path it will mean my death. That is the cost of saving Delvay as well as Goswin if I choose to use my magic.” Neph said softly. His mind was already formulating what spells would need to be cast if he was going to stop Rivasa fully. He didn’t have any doubts that he could eliminate the country, or at least weaken it to the point well past fighting, but it would take time. The process for such a large working of magic was tedious and very time consuming. He would need to decide by morning if he was going to act, they were already too short on time.
* * *
Noise rose from the dining hall behind him, and Neph smiled as he carried his plate of food to his own quarters. The sound of laughter was welcome in his halls, and it was something he hadn’t thought to hear again for a long while. Every man and woman in the dining hall behind him had suffered in the war, but they were moving on, and the sounds behind him were proof of it. He probably should have stayed behind to dine with them. If for nothing more than to reassure them that he was one of them, his self-imposed exile had been a long one, and they were still grudging with their acceptance of him as their leader. He knew his absence would be noted because of that, but he had a lot to think on, and it was best to do it without distractions.
His pace slowed as he neared his chambers and he stared hard at the carved stone door before shifting his mug of beer to one arm to push it open. These were his father’s old rooms, and the sight of that door still awakened a buried feeling of dread every time he approached it. RenDelvayon was dead, but he still seemed to haunt Neph at every turn. With an irritated sigh he shoved the door open, more annoyed with himself than anything else. It was a stupid childish thing to dread a room, and the sooner he moved passed his memories the better off Delvay was.
Dim candlelight greeted him as he stepped into the room, and Neph frowned in response. He had purposefully avoided the rooms all day, and he knew there had been no candles burning when he had left that morning. His eyes swept over the entry hall and froze at the sight of the woman seated against the wall. His plate of food dropped from nerveless fingers to clatter on the floor as he stared at her with a bewildered expression. Her hair was a deep chestnut and artfully styled in loose curls that framed her heart shaped face. Wide honey brown eyes stared back at him as his gaze wandered over her silver robes and finally settled on the gold amulet that dangled around her neck. It was a symbol he was growing more and more familiar with as the days passed by. Fortune had never been an Aspect he had favored highly, but it was rapidly growing apparent that Fortune favored him for some reason. Swallowing heavily Neph tried to pull his mind back in order as his gaze rose from the woman to the painting that hung on the wall just behind her. It was the only image of her remaining in Delvay, and one of the few of his father’s possessions that he had chosen to keep aside from the furniture and books that adorned the room.
“Hello Mother.” Neph said after a silence that had seemed to stretch eternity. His voice was rough and barely loud enough to be heard, but he was certain he had kept most of his emotions from his voice. He still wasn’t sure which emotion was going to win the day. Anger and elation were locked in a bitter struggle for control of his scattered mind, but shock was ruling for the time being.
“Neph.” She returned the greeting and he could hear her own distress in the word. She hadn’t guarded her voice as carefully as he had, and he could read the desperation clearly. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she wanted to come to him, that she wanted him to weep or show joy or give her some sign that she would understand.
It was apparent by that expression on her face that she had been gone from the halls of Delvay too long. She had completely forgotten what it was to be Delvayon. I suppose it’s my duty to remind her Neph mused. He squared his shoulders and glanced down at the broken plate by his feet. With a sweep of his hand he dismissed the mess with magic. Silently he closed the door behind him as the last pieces of his mind settled into place. Shock was banished without a second thought replaced by carefully honed coldness. Anger and elation could wait. For now he needed practicality without emotional attachment. His mother hadn’t simply materialized out of nowhere to ease his mind, she wanted something, and he had to keep his mind rational until he found out what it was. He couldn’t allow himself to be ruled by emotions right now, Delvay depended on him to be solid no matter what surprises were thrown at him.
She faltered at his stern expression and seemed to wilt back into her chair. With a glance down to the floor she folded her hands in her lap and summoned a weak smile. “I should have known to expect this reaction, and it’s far kinder than I deserve. Thank you for controlling your anger Neph.” Her voice was low and held a tremor as she spoke, but she hastily cleared her throat in an attempt to banish her nerves.
“I’m holding it for now. I won’t make promises that I’ll keep it in check. That decision is based solely on whatever you are here for.” Neph explained firmly before taking a deep pull from his beer. Fortunately he hadn’t dropped it as he had his food. At the present beer was far more welcome than dinner. He doubted he could keep food down with his stomach as tied in knots as it was now. “So tell me Mother. What are you here for?” he asked coldly as he crossed the room to his small table and sat the mug down.
With calmness that he didn’t feel he settled into one of the high backed wooden chairs that he hated so much. Nothing in Delvay was designed for comfort, and these chairs were the perfect example. Sturdy, well-constructed, and brutally painful to tolerate for extended periods of time; they were a perfect reflection of the people that crafted them.
“Several things have brought me here.” She began cautiously and her hands fidgeted in her lap once more. She glanced up at him with searching eyes and sighed heavily. “The foremost reason was simply to see you.” She said in a voice so soft it was as if she was afraid to speak the words.
Neph watched her as she spoke and realized he didn’t even know what to call her beyond mother. He had been too young when she had disappeared to even know what her true name was. A lump formed in his throat and he kept his expression carefully neutral as he banished his emotions once more. It didn’t pay to get emotionally attached to anything. That was a lesson that he didn’t need to learn again. It had been painful enough the first time with this woman, the lo
ss of Zyi and then Jala had reinforced it further.
She hesitated further at his silence and nodded slowly. “And you have every reason to act the way you are. I abandoned you, and there is nothing I can say that will make that right.” There was glassiness to her eyes now and she rose unsteadily from the chair to pace the room. “I suppose it would probably be best for both of us if I moved on to the other reasons I’m here. I don’t think you want to hear my reasons for what I did, and I don’t think I can handle much more of that glare from you. I see RenDelvayon in that expression on your face, and I never want to think of him when I look at you.”
“Compare me with him again and you will see my anger sooner than either of us expected.” Neph warned. He raised his mug of beer once more and took what looked to be a casual sip from it. In truth the action was done more to hide the expression on his face. He was rapidly losing his fight for control. In another place or situation he could be a cold as stone without a hint of humanity, but this was too personal. This was a poorly healed wound that had been with him longer than any other. He wanted answers, but he was afraid to ask the questions.
She nodded again in understanding and folded her hands nervously in front of her as she continued to pace the small room. “Fortune sent me.” She began and lifted on delicate hand to tug at the golden amulet. “Obviously I serve him.” She continued as her hand dropped once more to her waist.
Everyone had their nervous habits, and judging by her continued movement of her hands it wasn’t difficult to see what hers was. He watched her closely as she moved about the room, noting how her fingers continued to twine in knots. Yet there was no sign of sweat on her pale face, usually when someone was as nervous as she was, sweat was the first sign to show.
“Fortune knows what plan you are considering and he sent me to ask you most urgently to wait.” Her words faltered and she shook her head and frowned. Her eyes rose once more to meet his and she shook her head quickly once more. “No, that isn’t right.” She mumbled and cleared her throat. “He didn’t send me. He stated that you needed to be warned, and I asked to be allowed to come. I requested to be the one to speak with you, and perhaps it would have been better had I not. His warning is dire. Neph, please don’t allow my selfishness to cloud your judgment of his words. Fortune is seeking to help you, and no matter how much you may hate me I am delivering words of warning with your best interest in mind.”
Her words were so scattered that Neph knew she must be feeling just as tangled on the inside as he was. You are the only one in this entire place with compassion in your heart. Zyi’s words echoed through his mind and Neph felt something shatter inside him. It was the wall he had been struggling to build since his eyes had found her sitting in his room. He let out a bitter sigh and rubbed his face as he leaned back in the chair directing his gaze to the ceiling. “I don’t hate you mother. I am confused, and hurt, and I’d prefer to see Death himself right now rather than you, but I don’t hate you.” He muttered sourly as he lowered his hand to the table with a heavy thud. “So tell me why the Aspect of luck has such an interest in Delvay, and then explain why my choice is a bad one and I will listen with as open of a mind as I can manage.”
She paled at his words and stopped pacing. Her mouth opened as if she was going to speak and then closed again quickly. With a pained expression she nodded once and paced to the other side of the room before she seemed to compose herself to speak once more. “It isn’t exactly Delvay that holds his interest Neph. It’s you he wants to protect. He has always tried to protect you as much as he could. When Ren attacked you after you defied him you were stabbed three times, and yet not one of those wounds was mortal despite Ren’s skill with a blade. When you left Delvay you were able to survive long enough to reach Rose in Sanctuary to be healed, despite the tremendous blood loss you had suffered. In every battle you have fought in you have barely been bruised or scraped. Fortune has kept his hand over you your entire life. He couldn’t protect you from everything, but he has tried to spare you the worst.”
“Why? I’ve never been a loyal follower of luck. I show him the respect he is due, but nothing more. I highly doubt it is simply because my mother is such a loyal servant.” Neph rose from his chair as he spoke and stared hard at her forcing her to meet his eyes. He didn’t like the reaction she was showing to his question. It should have been a simple one to answer and yet she was acting as if he had just demanded her soul.
“Because it is the only thing he has ever been able to do to protect his child without taking away your future.” She answered quietly. “Had he been directly involved in your life or spoken the truth, everyone would have known you were not truly Ren’s son, and Ren would have killed you in return. The secret of who you truly were was the only thing that kept you safe.”
Neph stared at her in utter disbelief for a long moment before sagging back into his chair once more. His growing anger and suspicion had evaporated with her words and he honestly didn’t know how to react to this newest revelation. He stared blankly at the table for another few breaths, and probably would have stayed like that for far longer if not for the sound of her faint footsteps approaching. She took the seat across from him and leaned toward him across the table with a pleading look in her eyes. He could see the tears there still waiting to trace paths down her pale cheeks, but for now she was managing to hold them at bay.
“I don’t have the words to beg your forgiveness Neph. The best I can offer is an explanation, and pray that somehow you can understand. I didn’t have a choice in my marriage to Ren, and my heart was Fortune’s long before I was sent to Delvay. I gave him Kadan, and it was more than Ren ever deserved. You and Zyi were the children of my heart, and I would have done anything to protect you from Ren.” Her words faltered and she turned away from him as the first tears wet her cheeks. “I wasn’t strong enough to stand against him, and when Ren learned the secret there was nothing I could do.” She admitted softly.
“So you ran away instead and left us both to rot here with him!” Neph snapped. His fist slammed down on the table hard enough to rattle the beer mug and he glowered at her. “Where was Fortune’s luck when Zyi was hanging? Why didn’t the loving father protect his child then? She died in my arms!” His voice broke with the words and it took all of his will to resist breaking something to vent his frustration. “You cheated on a man like RenDelvayon and then left your bastards to suffer for your sins.” He declared in a snarl that sounded more animal than man.
“I didn’t run Neph.” She gasped and quickly reached across the table to take his hand firmly in her own. Her flesh was cold to the touch and she clung to him long enough for him to realize there was no pulse left in her body. Slowly her fingers unclenched and she waited until his anger had cooled to shock once more before waving a delicate hand at the painting. “He placed my ashes behind the painting. If you don’t believe me have a look for yourself. I doubt Ren troubled himself to move the urn. As I said, I wasn’t strong enough to stand against him, and I followed the same path as Zyi on my choices. When Fortune presented me with an opportunity to run, I ignored it, just as she did. I wouldn’t leave you and Zyi behind, no matter what it cost me.”
Neph’s attention shifted from the painting and then back to his mother as he slowly digested what she was saying. Shaking his head slowly he gaped at her. “So you are what? Some kind of ghost?” he asked in a faltering voice.
“Fortune took me from the Darklands and spared me the Dark Lady’s penance. He gave me the choice of returning to the Lifestream for my next life, or serving him. The choice was an easy one. So I serve him and exist by his power alone. I am here by his grace, most of the time I’m not quite so substantial.” She explained quietly. “There was no way to come to you sooner Neph or I would have. I couldn’t reveal myself with Ren alive and with the world in such chaos…” her voice trailed off and she carefully wiped the tears from her face.
“But you are crying. Can spirits even cry?” Neph protested and his ga
ze moved once more to the painting on the wall. Everything he had thought he had known about his mother had been twisted in his mind. As a child he had been told that she had run off, and then he had been told she was dead, and now he was being informed it was both. A slow ache built in his chest and he realized slowly that he would have rather she simply run from Ren rather than die for her children. If she had run, there still would have been hope that somehow things could be made right, but now, well death was terribly final for just about everyone aside from Jala.
“Spirits cannot, she can. I grant her as much life as I can without actually stepping on the toes of my fellow Aspects. I cannot give her true life and I will not surrender her to death, so she exists as this for the time being.” Fortune said from behind him and Neph shifted in his chair to face him at the sound of his voice.
The Aspect was dressed in a fine black suit in the latest fashion and his attention seemed to be fixated on a dusty book at the top of the bookshelf. Neph hadn’t even bothered to look at the books that were there and had no idea what the Aspect was so interested in. He knew Ren hadn’t kept any books of magic in his rooms, and those were what held Neph’s interest as far as reading material went, aside from the occasional book of poetry.
Fortune plucked the book from the shelf and blew on the cover scattering dust through the air. Turning he walked back to the table with a grim expression on his face. “Time for a history lesson Neph. Too many secrets have been kept from you and it’s time to shed some light on things.” He dropped the book to the table with a heavy thud and frowned at the high backed chairs. Rolling his eyes he pulled one closer to the table and sat down gingerly in it. “I will never understand why Ren favored such furnishings. Living in discomfort doesn’t make you a stronger, it makes you bitchier.” He grumbled as he flipped the cover open and scanned through several pages quickly.